I’m in a terrible mood right now; I’m lethargic, I’m distracted, I’m agitated and I feel trapped. I can’t explain why I’m feeling trapped but I do at this moment. It’s as if too many things are out of my control and my grasp right now and it’s all spinning faster and faster away from me like a tornado of responsibilities. I cannot seem to find work anywhere and sure having free time is great I do have a future to worry about. I’m also nervous about going to school this fall, it’s a big deal and I feel like I will screw up somehow and not get to where I want. It’s also nerve-racking knowing I’m going to be much older than everyone else there, I feel it will just make a strange distance with people. Of course along with the school issues money is another that’s been weighing me down lately, because I have none. School is unbelievably expensive, it’s unfortunate but it’s how it is I suppose. I hate to just bitch publicly like this, but it really has been effecting me lately, changing my mood, changing the way I am as well and I don’t like that.
I’m even feeling
scared nervous bothered worried about my relationship right now. For the first time I feel like I’m not being the best boyfriend I can be. I haven’t been feeling especially romantic the past short while and I worry that will change the dynamic. I love my girlfriend and she loves me but doesn’t mean I’m giving it my all. I’ve been distracted with all these other problems and it makes me feel so claustrophobic in my own relationship. I know everyone goes through all this stuff but that doesn’t make it any easier really. Its comforting to know I’m not alone but it still doesn’t change my situation. I feel like I need a break, some me time away from all this junk, even just for a little while just to relax, and reevaluate things. Take a step back and look at the larger picture thats forming around me.
Bottom line is I’m not feeling very positive right now and I need to change that. I’m stressed, annoyed and just tired. I will make an effort to handle things better, be more active, get a job and some money flowin’ and also be the boyfriend that my lady deserves. I should be ecstatic about things in my life right now because there is lots of greatness and love all around me, I guess I just needed to put this all into words to really see that. I always feel better after a blog, I compare it to the feeling of popping a really big zit. That release of horrible junk (in this case negativity) is just such a relief yet in a small, ordinary way. It’s not as if the problems are gone but things are great and the great outweigh the terrible for sure.